I am just a worthless liar.
August 2010
Beautiful.
4| So far apart
5| No sense to restart
5| Our dreams are distant
6| Please don’t be resistant
~
4| Memories obscure
5| But feeling so sure
5| I’ve not forgotten
6| Battles we both fought in
~
11| Yet I know how close we are together now
~
4| Bonded so pure
5| Your my only cure
5| Soaring with you here
6| Makes me want you more near
~
4| Feeling alive
5| For you I must thrive
5| It wont be easy
6| But I know you need me
~
11| Call for me and I will come, this i will vow
~
4| Open my heart
5| For us to restart
5| Our hearts connected
6| Now I feel protected
~
4| Now that I know
5| I, can see that glow
5| We, share together
6| That, lasts us forever
~
11| Now with you I quietly sleep in peace…how?
Crumbling
I can feel myself crumble.. im drained… im always running late… im canceling plans… im suffocating.. i dont have the energy anymore to just ‘hangout’ i dont have the patience to sit and ‘talk’. I’m honest to God feeling misery and all it’s rather. When I walk down the halls at school they taunt me. Tell me I’m not worth it. They are reminder that teacher will come and go so theres not point trying to get to know them. My friends are changing styles and growing up. I’m staying. I’m not understanding. Old friends want me back. I say no. They keep pushing. The wound tears open again. My breaths are painful. I try to move on. I’m not moving. I’m frozen. Crumbling. I feel my heart break. I dont know what i want to be. dont ask me. I dont know what college I want to go to. I’m a kid… aren’t I? I’ve been told to grow up so long… I’ve forgotten what age I am… and how to manage my time. We are all a ‘useless pound of the same organic waste’ as Tyler Durden would say. Were Rotten. I’m rotting.
“
I can’t be held responsible
‘Cause she was touching her face
I won’t be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we’d ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
When you hurt someone… and they treat you with kindness… it only hurts really bad. I’m falling… I dont know where I’m going or if im even falling anymore. Its all very dark. I dont feel anything… I can cry, or smile… they all are starting to feel the same… God its killing me… I want to wake up… But you cant wake up from reality… im sinking… my thoughts are jumbled… your killing me… all i can think of is a song right now…
Can’t wash it all away
Can’t wish it all away
Can’t cry it all away
Can’t scratch it all away
Can’t hope it all away
Can’t cry it all away
Oh it just won’t go away…
All I can do is wish for 5 years from now when it wont matter… i cant even think of what to type…
You Act
as if I’m not hurting too. I am. Please get that I am.
What can I say? What can I do?
I always end up hurting you.
“
I don’t wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don’t wanna be that call at four o’clock in the mornin’
‘Cause I’m the only one you know in the world that won’t be home
I don’t wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me ‘cause it screams the truth
Please don’t tell me that we had that conversation
‘Cause I won’t remember, save your breath
‘Cause what’s the use?
They Say
Time heals wounds…
But really,
It just paints over them.
The pain doesn’t really
go away.
Losing Grip
Not even our everyday safety is guaranteed. I feel like i’m stuck in repeat. Like i’m playing over and over. I’m watching people suffer, everywhere I turn… Where’s the off switch. I want to just turn it off… I feel like all the color is being sucked out of the world… its leaking from me. I’m all black and white. The smiles are fading… The lights are going out… The brightness in peoples eyes are leaking into nothing… Moving people are becoming still pictures… you stop breathing… your eyes close… your dead… but your still moving… your DEAD. But you still move… no wait… your dead on the inside… there is no color… no light… just the stabbing feeling of being alone… everything fades to nothingness… Everything that matters… Everything you love… Your breaking… Your dying… But you keep moving.
